"Even if you're one in a million, on a planet of 6.8 billion, that means that there are nearly 7,000 people just like you."
- David McCullough Jr. during his now famous "You Are Not Special" Wellesley High School commencement speech
This post is very much going to be based on this viral video, so I might as well embed it in this post. This video, albeit far from the prettiest graduation speech, has a refreshing dose of reality that the speaker delivers to the audience.
He brings up a very good point that's not really thought about. We are not special. However, it's not what you think it is in that he's basically berating everyone and saying they suck (this was what I first thought when I heard the title). He's basically saying that being "special" is just a title that's bestowed upon people just to brand them unique or better than others. He uses valedictorian as an example, where there can only be one, but there's also many other valedictorians from other high schools just like that one valedictorian. As he very eloquently states, "If everyone is special, then no one is. If everyone gets a trophy, trophies become meaningless."
For me, that prompts the question "What exactly does being 'special' mean?" Does it mean that you're one of a kind? That mentality kind of reminds me of high school, where the "rebels" would always dress up in "different" clothes (the best label I can put it is "punk/goth"), wearing "unique" piercings, and even dying their hair purple, blue, green, and any other unnatural hair color that can be thought of. Of course, these people would stand out from the crowd. It wasn't necessarily because they were "special." It was because they just tried to look "different," but by doing that, they actually wound up looking like everyone else because they weren't the only one. That's of course not being special because again, "If everyone is special, then no one is." Funny thing is that all these people I remember daring to look different in high school have never dressed the same way again after high school. Maybe it was a phase they grew out of? Maybe they were trying to make everyone see how "special" they were through appearance? Who knows? Point it that if you have to do something like that to show you're "special," then you really aren't special.
Another point he hits out of the park is when he says:
We have, of late, we Americans to our detriment come to love accolades more than genuine achievement. We have come to see them as the point - and we're happy to compromise standards, or ignore reality, if we suspect that's the quickest way, or only way, to have something to put on the mantelpiece, something to pose with, crow about, something with which to leverage ourselves into a better spot on the social totem pole.This is a real shame, yet very true to life. I think this is especially the case with the current college population. I look back at it now and I can't help but laugh at how immature and spoiled college kids can be. Yet, I probably used to be just as bad. Amazing how sometimes, you grow up and then you forget how much you've actually matured when it doesn't feel like anything. Back then in my earlier years, of course I graduated high school, went to college and cut class practically half of the semester (no joke). As long as I passed, I didn't care. While I was doing that, I couldn't help but laugh at all the cleaners, custodians and other manual labor people. I thought I was above them because they were literally cleaning up after me and I was "special" enough to have a college education (although admittedly not using it as best as I can). Funny how life works out because my parents later move out of state, and I still have yet to graduate, so at age 22 I move out on my own and start working full-time with nothing but my high school degree. I didn't know what to expect, but let me tell you. Reality hit me hard, and I saw that college was NOTHING like it! Somehow, I managed to make it as well as gain some good work experience. In fact, it was funny because I was earning more than most of my friends that were at the time freshly graduated from college. I was just trying to stay afloat by faking it until I was making it. However, during that time, I discovered what it really meant to work and live on your own. Funny how when you master the basics, the results start coming on their own (my theory explained in this post: http://agentarmando.blogspot.com/2012/06/art-of-wasting-time-and-why-it-might-be.html). That's what really led to my success. I felt that college left me largely unprepared.
Unfortunately, I feel like the subsequent college generations are taking the sense of entitlement and using accomplishments to make themselves "better" than others worse than what I was doing. This was especially apparent during my second stint in the Hunter College Fencing Team. I came back to school to finish my degree after a long while working and finding my way. I figured I'd go back to the team I used to be in. Of course, it was all basically different faces since the people I used to deal with have already graduated. Those years back then were fun. We always hung out after school, hold a ton of events and get-togethers and even hang out with the coach. We really were like one big, happy family, men and women alike. This time around, it was nothing like before. Men and women would always do their own thing. Sure, there was some conversation, but it was more as acquaintances than actual friends (sort of how co-workers chat). Second, I was originally a foil (fencing weapon), so I decided to become a foil once again. When the foil members found out, they were not pleased, as there would not be enough room to play everyone. I started hearing from a lot of team members and even coaches (since I knew them well) that some of them were starting to spread rumors about me just so I'd fall out of favor with people. With that and the fact that these same guys apparently had a Napoleon complex and tried to do the job of the coach, even though there's an actual coach for that and they have no real business directing the team as players, they started to turn on me. Me. Their own teammate.
I didn't like the way that they treated the rookies either. Instead of leaving them in the dark, the "leaders" could at least show them the ropes. I tried to do that since I thought it was wrong for the "leaders" of the team to exercise authority just so they can feel "special," but not for some actual good other than the inflation of their own egos. The "special" leaders apparently disapproved of that as well. I could understand if I did something against them, but every time I would try and chat with them or display my humor or try and be one of the guys, these particular guys would always shut me down, try and make fun of me, or just ignore me. It's funny how just being myself got me real close with the fencing team the first time around, but with the second time around, everything changed. It was a bit amusing how the "captain" started to bark orders at me and expected me to follow everything he said, when I had more seniority than him. Of course, since he was the "captain," I let him do his thing. It would have been wrong to undermine him, but at the same time, he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't basically kiss his ass. I never had a fencing captain that would have such a "my way or the highway" attitude, especially one that would actively try to destroy my reputation just because I didn't do what he wanted. There's no "i" in team, dude.
My point with the whole fencing story is that being "special" doesn't matter. So what if you're the "captain" or "leader?" Why not use that position to do good in the team instead of barking orders and feeling about yourself by having people do what you say and inflating your ego in the process? A big ego can give you huge problems, and I think college is something that severely inflates it. So what if you made it into college? You're just one out of millions in college right now around the world. College is supposed to be a learning experience, not something to use to show people that you've "made it." In fact that may be the problem with college in present day. It doesn't really prepare you for the real world, and as a result, you find yourself without direction in life or jobs/careers that don't really suit you. Add to that a mountain of student loan debt and this is turning out to be a major problem here in the US (interesting links: http://azdailysun.com/news/opinion/columnists/article_825ea04c-77de-54bc-a036-a96de67c76a8.html and http://onlineathens.com/opinion/2012-06-15/johnson-college-should-prepare-students-life-not-just-work).
I have to admit. College wasn't right for me back then. I was goofing off, partying and not caring so much about my grades. Sure, never failing but also never doing that well either. Now, that I went through my second stint in college to finish my BA in English, I had a much better appreciation for college. As a result, I started to get much higher grades, but only because instead of being complacent and figuring I already "made it" just by being there, I'd make something out of the opportunity and really challenge myself intellectually. I don't think it was a coincidence that I got much higher grades. Growing up, I was literally a child genius up to the point where I could have skipped grades and got invitations to special schools. I'm a bit ashamed to say it, but I never really tapped into my potential as far as intelligence goes. Fortunately, I'm starting to work on it again. This is just one step of my ultimate goal to become whole. So far, it's going well. Now, I'm taking calculus classes for the fun of it, literally, as I don't need them for anything in particular and I've already graduated. I took it for not only knowledge's sake, but I felt it was the perfect way to test out my meditation. As anyone who has taken it can tell you, it's REALLY hard! Now, I'm at Calculus II. I always gun for an A in class, but it doesn't matter if I don't get it. Being a perfectionist where you ALWAYS have to get an A will not get you anywhere. Why? Because by doing that, you're focused on the prize and not the basics (everything you know is wrong). You don't learn that way, so then what's the point? Maybe that's why 42% of college graduates never read another book after college (source: http://www.omg-facts.com/Language/Statistics-show-that-42-of-college-gradu/51492).
Like David McCullough says, "Climb the mountain not to plant your flag, but to embrace the challenge, enjoy the air and behold the view." So many people have forgotten the basics of life, and as a result their quality of life suffers. It's always about "what's in it for me?" instead of "is this something I really want to do?" One thing that I've learned from meditation is that "pleasurable experiences," such as having a wild night out while boozing it up or hooking up with a different guy/girl every day or even striving to be a multi-millionaire, do not really give you peace of mind. In fact, it probably distracts you from what could be a spirit and mind in trouble. If you ignore that long enough, there will eventually come a time where your body and mind will shut down for no apparent reason, and you'll feel so miserable that you can't even sit still without going crazy. That day already happened to me, and that's when I realized that I was doing something wrong. What was I doing wrong? I thought of myself as "special." Now, instead of seeking out the end results, I've committed myself to re-learning the basics. Yeah, it takes longer, but slow and steady wins the race. There's no shortcuts to real success. This is what McCullough means by people being "happy to compromise standards, or ignore reality." Now I realize that I'm not special and I'm not entitled. Once I started figuring that out, I've never felt that good in such a long time. It was so great to feel like my old self again; the carefree, motivated, energetic person I felt like I lost so long ago.
I've been beginning to traveling the world as of late not to show off to people and have something to show off to my friends, but because I've been wanting to do that for the longest time (my background photo of this blog as well as the favicon are actually that of my time in Hawaii). I've even appeared on YouTube without even realizing I was being filmed. The only way I found out was because a lot of people told me they saw me on YouTube, and sure enough, it was me (not saying what it was, but let's just say it's a very famous video that "the whole world was watching.") Even though I joke with my friends about that, it really shouldn't matter to anyone else but me. I'm not special. What would showing off to others get me other than false and cheap adulation? I'd rather do these things for my own personal benefit. Yeah, these things are not "easy," but once you get up, start doing and ESPECIALLY stay dedicated to it, then you'll see that things can be done. Life is not as easy as college. Get over it! It's a well known truth that won't change, no matter how "special" you are. There's even a musical written about this fact (Avenue Q, which I'd give a 9/10 - Excellent). Once you start to learn how you aren't "special," that's when the special things start coming into your life.
Read the full transcript of David McCullough's commencement speech here:
http://www.myfoxtwincities.com/story/18720284/2012/06/11/full-transcript-youre-not-special-speech
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