"You can try again and again if you have to" - Forge from X-MenWhew! Been a rough past few weeks. I've been slowed down a bit thanks to mental walls and getting sick (which may have been a result of mental walls). Finally, I'm able to get back to posting.
As I sit here writing this post on 9/11, thinking of stories and ideas to deliver through this piece, I'm thinking about the future and what needs to be done in order to get myself to the next level that I want to hit. I'm wondering how I got here, where am I headed, and how will it all work out? It's funny how life works out. I didn't exactly plan to be at this spot. It seems like not too long ago that I moved out of the protection and auspices of my parents. In fact, many things are unexpected in life. Who could've seen 9/11 coming? What could we learn from unexpected events such as that?
Yet, looking back, it really was the fateful age of 22 when I decided to move out on my own, without the help of my parents. I remember it like it was yesterday. All of a sudden, my mom popped the news on me that she was moving to North Carolina and selling her house in New York. I was shocked since my mom recently bought a house just a few years back, and was making some good investments on it to improve on its infrastructure and value. Then again, all my life, I've known my mom to be a very passionate (maybe even bi-polar) person that does things on a whim, and once an idea gets into her head, there's no changing her mind. My mom has always been the type to do some things that were just plain out there, and which would also leave me and my sister scratching our heads. My dad moved to New Jersey a while ago, and I knew I couldn't live with him because of differences. So that time was the ultimate "make or break" moment: either move with my mom to North Carolina (which she offered), or stay in New York and tough it out with whatever job I could get a hold of. Seeing the ample unknown chances, opportunity and things to experience and discover, I took a big leap of faith and did something I'd never imagine myself doing: I moved away from my folks, and far too, as the closest one was in New Jersey. That means that even if I did need help from my parents, it definitely wouldn't come easily or immediately for that matter.
So there I went, venturing out into the cold, unknown world not knowing what to expect or how it was going to work out. It really was rough on the outside world, with me never having worked a real full-time job before or even finishing my degree in college because I all of a sudden found myself in the predicament to work for a living. It didn't help that I got the crappiest jobs I could. Then again, that's expected when you haven't worked before, even for those who graduate college if they don't have a real work history. Temp job assignments kept ending, and pay wasn't that great. It would be common for me worrying myself about things like finances and health (of course, I didn't have health insurance either). Eventually, I started coming to a better place when I moved up to better jobs. Ironically enough, my first good, stable job was part of the Presbyterian church, and at first I though it was working for some hustler preachers as unfortunately, things like that really do exist. However, it got me through financially and I finally got medical coverage for a serious sinusitis condition that I was starting to get. It was very serious, since I couldn't breathe properly, and that actually cut into my sleep which led to body-induced insomnia since I'd practically suffocate when I feel asleep. It was so bad that I could sleep for 12 hours and still wake up tired with huge bags under my eyes.
Fortunately, those tough times faded into memory and what seemed like a trial by fire is now for me something I feel I can handle easily. Now, I find myself in a similar spot. Financial hardships are once again coming (although I'll be the first to admit that it's not that bad, as I've probably handled worse before and it could definitely BE worse), and I'm still recovering from what may be been the worse breakdown of mental and physical health just a few years ago. Once I saw that, I promised myself never again and maybe for the first time since I moved out on my own, I took some time out for myself (Rule #14: Take some time out for yourself whenever you can and make the most out of it because one day, taking time off may not be by choice).
Funny how things work out. I remember how things are so different from my late high school and early college years. I remember how I used to talk about how I wanted to be a lawyer. I got inspired a bit by Law & Order, but then when I saw that the Assistant District Attorney prosecuted someone that turned out to be not guilty, I felt that I could never live with a mistake like that (funny how things work out, because now that I've seen the legal system up close and personal, and with consulting with lawyers, I've realized how inaccurate and untrue Law & Order is). Then, I set my sights on being a doctor. When I was around 18 or 19, I figured I'd get a pre-med degree, then go to medical school and become a doctor. As long as I hung in there and did everything according to plan, it shouldn't be a problem, right? WRONG!
First off, there's the cost of medical school as documented here. When a complete medical education costs more than a house, something's wrong. I actually know a friend in her 40's who went to England (where they have truly socialized education and healthcare) just because medical school is much cheaper there compared to the U.S. Second of all, medical school is hell (for a good laugh, check out @MedStudentProbl on Twitter), as the problems aren't just limited to a sky-high tuition. Actually, many of the problems that the Twitter account shows correlates with what I heard, read and even experienced during my time volunteering in Elmhurst Hospital and talking to many doctors, nurses and other personnel. The book Every Patient Tells a Story actually allowed me to educate myself on the perils and issues with being a doctor. It's a very interesting read, and I'd suggest anyone who's considering being a doctor read that book. The stories I've read in the book from students not able to properly conduct a physical exam to learning things incorrectly in grad school classes make me scared for the future of healthcare. Heck, I've had a taste of that in anatomy classes in Hunter College (which are literally designed to be grad school level as evidenced by the high failure rate, as I've seen anatomy courses in other places that I could pass without even studying), where the majority of people flat out fail, and it's probably not for me even though I passed on my first try.
In fact, much of life doesn't come out according to plan. For example, I remember my personal experience during September 11th, 2001 as today marks the 11th anniversary of that terrible event. I was home on a day off from classes. I woke up at around 9 am and I saw news about a World Trade Center attack. I was wondering why people were bringing up what I figured was the 1993 bombing, and then I realized it was happening right then and there. I immediately turned on the TV and sure enough, the first tower was already struck by a plane. I actually watched the second tower get hit by a plane and the whole structure go down on live television. It was certainly a sight I could never forget. I was fortunate to be at home, because all transportation stopped and people literally had to walk home from the Brooklyn Bridge and other bridges. I also remember the ensuing days. It was the only time I've ever seen New York City ever stop for anything. When Hunter College finally reopened, it was like a ghost town. I've never seen Hunter College so empty.
I learned a lot from that day. I learned how people can really band together and be depended on in a pinch, when help is needed to right what's been wronged. I also learned that life can be cut short without a moment's notice (Rule #5: Always live your life like it's your last day on Earth, because you never know when it's going to end). I really don't care about the politicians using September 11th to inflate their careers and egos with meaningless speeches, or ridiculously lavish memorials where billions of dollars are spent while the whole project is economically unfeasible (which is unfortunate because it may be missing the point in building nice looking structures for aesthetic reasons instead of remembering the people affected by the event). I just care about the people and families that have been left behind, and that they are remember not just because they were lives lost, but because they all show us something. In spite of catastrophic events (and there's no shortage of them in life), you can always contribute to a change for the better. Sure, nothing will be the same, but since when do things last forever? Everything lives and dies according to nature. We'll never know when our time comes, so we should make the most of our lives at the present moment.
So instead of marking September 11th as an end of something, maybe everyone should mark it as a new start. Lives have been lost and they should not be forgotten, but at the same time, people should focus on coming together for a better future for everyone, and not just focus on rebuilding buildings for commercial use and profit or making politicians look good. After all, isn't that what life is all about? Just like with my past experiences where I struggled, we can all learn from the past and use it to help build a better future for everyone. There's nothing wrong with going through bad moments or hardships. That's an inevitable part of life. I've done it and you've done it, and everyone else has too no matter what they say. Nothing is perfect. Instead, acknowledge it and use the experience to empower you through the future.
There will always be things outside your control. The way I see it, life is like a poker game (now known as Rule #15). You have no control over the hands you're dealt. Sometimes, you get a hand so bad that you can't win no matter how you play it. Other times, you get a hand so good that you can't lose no matter how you play it, and you'd have to intentionally squander your hand in order to lose. Then, there's all the hands in between, where it's up to you to make the most out of it and win. Of course, you should always play to win because you never know when a seemingly bad hand can turn out to be the winner (if you're a seasoned poker player, you understand this very well). However, you should learn from all the bad hands you've been dealt before and realize when you need to fold and get out of the game in order to start anew and live to see another day, and that only comes from experience. I honestly think poker can teach anyone how life works.
So instead of complaining how life is treating you unfairly while you stay down for the count, hurry and stand up. If we can learn something from New York City, it's that September 11th is something we'll never forget , but at the same time the city continues to move forward to new heights. The quicker you fail (or fold), the quicker you can start over (or get into the next poker hand), and the faster you can progress. One of the reasons why I took up meditation was because this allows me to take failure less personally and retain my focus. Sooner or later, I know it'll happen somehow so meditation helps me get back up and running faster than ever.
Never Forget: You can be the change you want in this world, but only if you're willing to.
This isn't just about New York City or the victims of 9/11. This is about the whole world. In my opinion, many bad things (and not just terrorism) have come out of that fateful day, and it's up to us to enact change. Change is never easy or fast, but since when has a long journey not started with a single step? The First Responders of 9/11 have demonstrated that if we all actively shape our own futures, we'll be able to help those around us and everyone can stand to benefit from that.
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