Even though I watch football, I can never stand to watch it for too long. One of the reasons is that it drags on and on. For it being a hardcore contact, action sport, it can be lame on the action (this article shows how 60% of a broadcast can be spent of non-football action, excluding commercials). Of course, add to the fact that you have TONS of commercials in football, and you can understand how I can't help but feel sometimes like I haven't watched an actual football game and have just wasted my time, even though I just spent 3+ hours watching something that was supposed to be a game. You can understand then why I like seeing Super Bowl commercials. It's one of those "once a year" things that make football more bearable (but just a little :P). I always like to grade these commercials, as some of them take some real marketing prowess and genius, which is something I can relate to for grading these commercials. True marketing skills are something I can really appreciate.
Without further ado, I give you my Super Bowl commercial countdown:
Most heartwarming commercial:
Budwiser - Brotherhood
Beer commercials are usually full of frat-house humor, which is understandable since even when we men grow old, we always like to act like immature boys when no one is looking. It's kind of nice to see a change up in the usual "crazy guys night out" storyline. I really like this commercial where the guy takes care and raises the horse, and the horse still remembers him after so much time passed. As a guy, I know how special it is to have at least one companion that you could have for life. Which is why when a man truly loves a woman, he'd really do anything for her because he sees her as a lifelong friend, but I digress. Moving on...
Most awkward commercial:
PSY - Wonderful Pistachios Get Crackin’
When someone is telling me to crack my nuts now (like how the chorus goes), I can't help but feel weirded out. First off, there's literally a bunch of dancing pistachios, which is something you would maybe find at the birthday party of an 8-year old. The fact that PSY is literally dancing with these nuts and saying he's "cracking Gangnam style" makes the commercial just that much more funny (as in it gets people laughing at it, not with it). Also, it's 2013. The year of PSY being a one-hit viral wonder is kind of done now. Yeah, he came on really strong up to the point where he broke Justin Bieber's YouTube view record, but surely you can get a better celebrity cameo than that. The Samsung commercial was better with the cameos, and that commercial was boring as hell. Besides, I wouldn't put too much stock on the popularity of certain "fad celebrities" like Carly Rae Jepsen and Rebecca Black. The sad part is that people like Rebecca Black have been reported to have a net worth of $1.2 million, so it doesn't matter if you become the laughing stock of the United States or have no talent pertaining to your profession. Much like George W. Bush has proved, you too can be rich and famous for being a totally clueless buffoon.
Most fan-friendly commercial (that's actually FOOTBALL related):
Bud Light - Journey
This one is amusing, especially if you actually FOLLOW football as opposed to just watch games on TV and look at the pretty commercials. I find it very creative that they show the guy in the white suit as one of the football gods who decides the outcome of the games, and so being a hardcore football fan, Joe Schmoe seeks answers for his favorite team to win...but, he's not the only fan to get to the promised land. Extra props for getting the actual Super Bowl bound teams right. Small details like that matter, unlike the Pepsi commercials that make anthems for any team just as long as they can get bandwagoners on their own advertisement wagon. Patriots and Jets? Giants and Cowboys? Come on man!
Most disappointing commercial:
GoDaddy.com: Perfect Match - Bar Refaeli's Big Kiss
By now, I'm well acquainted with GoDaddy.com's presence, which may be attributed to good publicity (sex sells, I suppose) and not-so-good publicity like with its about-face on the failed controversial SOPA bill. This commercial was actually disappointing. Okay, I get that they're trying to be racy so they can get people to buy their product, but hey...if the shoe fits, wear it. In this case, I think sex really does sell, so I come to expect hot women oozing sex appeal (like in this 2012 Kia Optima commercial very well demonstrates) whenever I watch a GoDaddy.com commercial. However, this one left me yawning away. I like many other people out there love a nice sex scene in a movie or television or whatever, but this doesn't fit the bill. One, this is Bar Refaeli: supermodel extraordinaire! Why is she kissing like if she's bored with herself and life? Two, I think they went too geek with the poor sap on the receiving end. It really is a boner killer. Really. Even if the kissing is hot, I don't think I could get over the guy's ugly mug.
Secretly, I want to be the guy that Bar Refaeli is kissing (as probably every other guy who watches the commercial). I don't want some ugly, nasty guy killing it, but what's worse is that Bar Refaeli can't kiss. I'm sorry. You can be the hottest women on Earth, but for me, I will not hesitate to dump someone who can't kiss (I don't mind teaching others and I have in the past). Thanks for ruining the whole fantasy, GoDaddy.com. Then again, I'm sure there's no objections from the geeky guy as it took 65 takes to get the kiss with Bar Refaeli right.
Best use of a Super Bowl spot:
Gildan - Getaway
As some of you may have noticed, some brands never put out TV commercials of any type except for the Super Bowl. This strategy can be a make or break one for your company, especially since airtime was going for around $8 million a minute for a guaranteed spot during the Super Bowl. On one hand, you can reach an unprecedented audience size all at once. On the other hand, $8 million tends to be kind of out of the budget of normal companies. A loss like that can easily doom your company. I've actually never heard of this company, but apparently it was a huge competitor to Fruit of the Loom (FTL) and the whole feud ended when FTL declared bankruptcy.
The commercial is funny because apparently the guy risks being caught running out on his one-night stand, and judging by the looks of it, it was some pretty wild stuff. I wonder that if it was that wild, why is he running out? Isn't that a good thing? Well, something must've sent him heading for the hills...until he tried to take back his shirt. Nice way of having intrigue and hilarity in only 30 seconds.
Worst use of a Super Bowl spot:
Samsung Mobile - The Next Big Thing
As much as I like Samsung (I absolutely LOVE my Galaxy S3), this commercial was very much a miss. I thought there would be some promise in funnymen Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen, but all they do is argue about who's going to be the "next big thing" and it takes away most, if not all the hilarity. Then, you see LeBron James on a tablet for 5 seconds and all it took was...2 minutes? Damn, and I thought football had too much filler. They needed $15 million dollars for that? I can imagine how much the celebrity cameo appearances cost as well. Good thing they have those record profits. With bonehead promotions like that, they'll need it.
Best Super Bowl commercial overall:
This year, we have a tie!
Audi - Prom
Now that's what I call having a good time! The prom of course is the time where you can let loose as a teen, away from over-controlling parents. It's also where you'll see all your high school peers for the last time before you all move on. Better make it count! What better way to live it up than just the anonymous guy swooping in and taking the homecoming queen for a nice smooch. Sure, he gets beat up but hey, the girl likes it at the end! Not bad for a guy that's not in the popular club. Most beta-males in high school don't even get half as far. Moral of the story: take that chance! You never know what can happen.
Maybe I should've done that in high school...
Mercedes Benz - Soul
I gotta admit, I really think they did an awesome job casting Willem Dafoe (the Green Goblin from the Spider-Man movies) as the devil, and of course in typical Green Goblin fashion, he uses his evil prowess to bend the victim to his evil will. I love how the first thing is Kate Upton just seeing him and grabbing him for herself, although I think it could've been better acted out by her. Word is she's trying to become a professional actress. Even though I love you Kate Upton, if that's true, you gotta do better than that, pal!
Of course, he gets all the other things Joe Schmoe could want like getting to outdance Usher, having many lady friends admire him and wanting to be around him, and having his face plastered on many places and publications. It's up to the point where he has too many women wanting him and actually becoming a problem, which is something Joe Schmoe can usually only dream about. He does the smart thing when he realizes he can buy a car ($29,900? Yikes!) instead of having to sell his soul. For that price, that must be one damn good car.
All right. Out with the old, in with the new. Let's bring on a real sport: baseball!
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