I went to see Ted: The Movie Sunday because it seemed like an awesome movie and had really high hopes for it. Even though my love for Family Guy is lukewarm at best (Seth McFarlane created both "Family Guy" and "Ted"), I still had a feeling that Ted was something right up my alley.
Ted: the Movie didn't only meet my expectations (I can be a demanding person that will get disappointed if my expectations are not met), but it passed them by a good margin. This is impressive considering that I think Family Guy is something that can use improvement, although it has a lot of potential. Sometimes, I feel that Family Guy tries too hard with the jokes. One thing with Family Guy is that the jokes are made so rough that it loses some laugh value. One example is this clip of Peter getting a prostate exam here, then reacting to it here. It's just a borderline deranged reaction that makes him look like someone that's mentally deficient (a guide for that particular episode is available here: http://familyguy.wikia.com/wiki/Stewie_Loves_Lois). At other times, they make jokes so obscure it requires a "mini-flashback" that seemingly comes out of nowhere so the joke can actually have a punchline. Things like this is what probably keeps Family Guy from being utter genius, since jokes like this seem too try-hard.
Who's Robert Loggia anyway?
Part of the reason why I actually like American Dad better than Family Guy is that American Dad has a lot less of those "flashbacks" that get in the way of joke delivery. However, it's not all bad. There's some really funny moments that is unmistakably Family Guy humor. Who doesn't love to see the Peanut Butter Jelly Time dance (click here to have Brian cheer you up) or the famous chicken fight just because the chicken gave Peter a bad coupon.
Dumb? Yes. Funny? Absolutely!
***Movie spoilers ahead***
I think it's so cute (so sue me if I don't say "no homo") how Mark Wahlberg's character, John Bennett grows up with his bear/best friend Ted, who he wishes to life using a shooting star. It's awesome how they're "thunder buddies for life," a term both characters use whenever a thunder storm (a.k.a. God's farts) comes and they seek each other's company to weather the storm so to speak. Deep down inside every man, I think there's an innate need for that one person to wear that "best friend" badge so that he always has someone to talk to, spill his guts to (without judgment), make crude jokes to (without getting upset), and make him feel safe and strong. In other words, us guys want to "feel like a man." That's why men like to have some alone "man time" with certain other guys. We men all come from the same boat, unless they're gay. In that case, their experiences and mannerisms are different, so straight men can't relate to them in the EXACT same level. Not to say that it's bad. I hang out with gay friends frequently, but when I feel like making a crude joke, or feel like complaining about how this girl I'm interested in didn't look my way, they're not really going to understand me. It all goes under the "man" experience.
Even as grown men, we all want to hide under the covers and flip off the world
sometimes when things don't go right. No homo? Actually, this sounds about right.
sometimes when things don't go right. No homo? Actually, this sounds about right.
So then John hooks up with Lori Collins (Mila Kunis) and they've been going strong with each other for 4 years. Everything is going hot and heavy, but alas, Ted is stuck there between them as the third wheel of the relationship. Not only is Ted keeping John and Lori from some nice alone time, but Ted provides as the bad influence on John, when he calls him to smoke himself silly with a weed bong right before work, or brings prostitutes to the home John and Lori share, or having him ditch Lori to party it up in Ted's place with Flash Gordon (yes, Sam Jones, the actor that played Flash Gordon in the 1980 movie Flash Gordon). The problem is that while John is having the awesomest time partying it up with his best friend, Lori is always the one cleaning up after him. It shows, since John is stuck behind a seemingly dead-end job as a car rental representative, and his only hope for advancement and more money is getting the manager position that's being vacated by his boss. He's definitely living on scraps with his less-than-ideal work situation and the fact that he can't even afford a ring to give to Lori, who feels like could be "the one," but has reservations making a commitment due to his own mess. Like all honest and hard-working men, John wants to provide for his woman (yes, there is such a thing as honest, hard-working men out there, ladies).
Deep down inside, I think that all men out there want to be Ted. They want to be the party animal that has casual sex with hot girls (why else did Ted hook up with Tammy-Lynn other than to fool around?), many hot female admirers, and take one too many shots with Sam Jones or whatever childhood hero we've had. Deep down inside, we all have that "immature kid" part to all of us. We all like to make dumb, crude jokes with each other during male bonding time. I know for example that I can't joke around the same with a lady because I won't be able to get away with it like I do with a guy (I'm absolutely relentless with "yo mamma" jokes). However, responsible men know that even though doing all of the above is the ultimate bachelor fantasy, it's not going to allow them to improve as an individual. This is what separates "mature" men from "immature" men. Immature men never learn the difference between reality and fantasy, so they get stuck in the "bachelor paradise" fantasy, living it out while going broke in the process and while having the maturity of a five-year old. These are the same guys that don't do well in relationships because they can't keep promises, or just lie to get what they want. All that behavior starts from that one belief of the "bachelor paradise." This is also why you see these same immature men go through a "mid-life crisis." They don't have the career, maturity, and peace of mind that they feel they should have, so they think a Ferrari, expensive clothes and fast women will solve everything. What they don't realize is that men become "the rock" of emotions and stability only by putting in the work, and marching through the adversity and problems that life deals out. This is what makes a mature man.
This was definitely made by a man. The word "sarcasm" was
intentionally misspelled. Haha, I get it...oh, wait.
intentionally misspelled. Haha, I get it...oh, wait.
So many times, in order to grow, a man needs to leave behind the "bachelor paradise" because responsible men know that it's not the best thing for them. Eventually, that's what happened with John in the movie. With Ted being his ticket to bachelor paradise, he knew he had to make a decision if he wanted to mature to the next level. He had a lady he cared about a lot, and wanted to commit himself to her by being the best man he could be for Lori. He had to kick his "thunder buddy" out in order to devote himself to her. Everything was starting to take off for John and Lori, but old habits die hard. Ted calls, saying he just has to party at his place with Flash Gordon, and back again goes John. This is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and Lori dumps John.
After John sees his mistake, Ted helps him shows Lori that he's sorry and gets the help of Norah Jones to serenade her with his own song. Being an ex-New Kid on the Block, John/Mark Wahlberg just totally boots it and embarrasses himself just to show Lori he's sorry. He bombs worse than a M. Night Shamylan movie. Lori sees that instead of being the immature womanizer that lies to get what he wants, he's actually trying to get his life together. Just when you think Lori and John are going to make up, and everything is going to be perfect in John's world, Ted gets kidnapped. Lori actually works with John to get Ted back, in spite of Ted being the bad influence of John's life. Sadly, Ted gets destroyed in the scuffle to rescue him and the boy in John dies.
I have to admit that I was pretty sad when Ted "died." He represents the "little boy" that's in all men, no matter what age. I think it was very cute for John to have Ted as a best friend. The only problem was that sometimes, the "Ted" in each one of us keeps us from growing as mature men. That's exactly what was happening with John. He depended on a managerial position to be vacated for any hope of advance, and even a $38,000/year job isn't enough, especially when you're approaching your 40's. Even with being a "good" fit for the job, it was still anything but guaranteed for John, who put his own career in jeopardy due to his "f*** ups" as his manager put it.
When Ted is torn to shreds, his dying words to John was that Lori was now his "thunder buddy" and to not let her go. Lori and John rush to pick up the stuffing of Ted in a last-ditch effort to save him. They hurry home and Lori begins sewing Ted back up as best as she can in order to try and resuscitate him, but it's too late. That night, Lori peers out of her window while contemplating Ted's unfortunate demise. She sees a shooting star and she uses a wish to try and save Ted from being completely dead. Sure enough, when Lori and John wake up next morning, Ted is as good as new, crude jokes and all. So Lori is the big hero because she rescued John's "little boy" in Ted, but at the same time pushed him to the next level, so he could finally become a real man.
The ending is very fitting. Lori is the special girl in John's life that comes in and makes him want to be a better person for her. Like with everything in life, the transition isn't perfect and John encounters a lot of bumps in the road on his way to becoming an adult. The relationship between him and Lori suffers as a result, but the important thing that matters is that Lori learned to accept his flaws and was willing to work with him. Through my experience as as straight male, having courted women and such, I can say that most women out there seeking relationships are either too demanding or too lenient when it comes to standards in choosing a male partner. The best thing to do as a lady that is looking for a boyfriend is to find the balance (Rule #2: The only way you will be able to achieve the best results for yourself in life is to find the optimal balance between two extremes) between polar opposites in terms of standards. You want a guy that you know that he's actually TRYING to be the best man he can be. Many times, this comes with a whole set of flaws. Men are aware of their own flaws, and other men of his peers can definitely relate to the constant struggle and pressure of self-improvement. We know we're not perfect, but you'll see us actually get up early in the morning to look for/go to work, and we'll try to treat you right, even though we normally have no idea where to begin with that. Yes, you ladies leave "hints," but for men, they might as well not say anything at all because we require a simple "yes" or "no." Men normally say what's on their minds. We don't make the other person "guess" by throwing vague hints. We operate on the principle, "if you want something done right, do it yourself." Don't be offended if your boyfriends asks you what you want. Instead, you should actually feel relieved because your boyfriend thinks you matter enough to him that he wants to make sure he's pleasing you. You should worry if he DOESN'T do this because then, he's probably only doing just enough "work" to keep you around as a "play thing" (ladies, you're smart enough to figure out what that means).
Lori/Mila Kunis is definitely the ultimate man's woman. She proves herself of this high honor because of these following key attributes:
- She's gorgeous while at the same time not being high-maintenance.
- When the going gets tough, her tough self gets going (while still being a lady).
- She can definitely give/take jokes like one of the "guys."
- She's there to support, not criticize or berate (a.k.a. nag) her man.
- At the same time, she's not afraid to leave the relationship if he's a total asshole. This goes toward the MO of men everywhere of "actions speak louder than words."
- It's estimated that 1-2% of men in the entire world are taller than 6'5"
- Regarding professional baseball (source: mrdawson.wikispaces.com/file/view/ProSportsOdds.doc)
- High school senior players who go on to play NCAA men`s baseball: Less than three in 50, or 5.6 percent
- NCAA senior players drafted by a Major League Baseball (MLB) team: Less than eleven in 100, or 10.5 percent.
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High school senior players eventually drafted by an MLB team: About one in 200, or 0.5 percent. Drafted baseball players almost always go to a minor league team. These teams abound; there are over 150 of them, compared to 30 in the majors. The big leagues have 750 players, yet the 2004 draft alone took 1,500. Hence some estimate that only one in 33 minor leaguers ever makes it to the pros. If that's correct, the chance of a high school player making the big leagues is one in 6,600, or 0.015 percent. That's roughly the chance of a thief guessing your PIN number on the first try.
- 6.61% of the general population in the United States make at least $100,000 (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_income_in_the_United_States)
- Even though there's no real evidence to back it up this "fact," in the show Seinfeld, Elaine and Jerry estimated percentage of good-looking people at 25% at highest and 4% at the lowest. Just thought I'd throw it out there because I love Seinfeld.
- Less than 1% of the U.S. population have PhDs. On another interesting, yet paradoxical note, the amount of PhD graduates that use food stamps and other forms of state aid/welfare have more than tripled between 2007 and 2010.
"You have to let guys be their own man."
In that tangent, guys will not change (they will only pretend to change if they want to keep you around), so you ladies have to learn to either love it or leave it. This actually has benefits to your dating life if you decide to play it this way (more on that on a later post since it's not as easy as it sounds).
Ted: the Movie is awesome because not only can men and women alike relate to it, but it's just freakin' hilarious. Making a character like Ted is genius, as well as the cameo by Sam Jones/Flash Gordon. The storyline, while simple, was very creative and entertaining. Also, you can tell that the humor that makes Family Guy/American Dad so great makes its mark here as well. Add in some awesome nostalgia in the form of Flash Gordon and you got yourself an awesome movie. Of course, it's not supposed to provide any real action or drama, but the sheer humor value that the movie concentrates on is on point. It's kind of nice seeing famous Boston landmarks like Charlies' Sandwich Shoppe and Fenway Park, as well as seeing Ted make fun of Boston women and their accents. The actors really fit their roles and just add to the hilarity (Marky Mark, why can't you sing in the movie?). My overall rating is 7/10 - Very good.
Ladies, if you learn to appreciate the "Ted" in a man, that man will love you forever.
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