The past and present of social media: is it creating or destroying our social lives?

Rule #6: There is no such thing as being first or last. There is only such a thing as becoming the best or the worst that you can be. 

Me and my friend Pedro (follow him @FreestyleChulo) were having a very interesting conversation through Twitter the other day. He was talking about how some people liked to share mundane, everyday things. Things like what they had to eat, where they're going, or special events like in concerts or clubs. I responded that it's just probably people showing off so they can have a higher sense of "self-worth". This actually got me thinking. Are people using social media to reconnect with old and new friends or are they finding it as a way to show how much "better" they are than others? This concept really piqued my interest, so I decided to look more into it.

Social media has greatly evolved throughout the years. First, MySpace came along in 2003. The funny part was that it wasn't originally intended to be a social networking site. It was actually made from members of the now-defunct eUniverse company (now known as Intermix Media), which was basically a marketing company that advertised their entertainment products. With anti-spam rules, laws and crackdowns finally coming into place, the people of eUniverse found themselves in a hard position, as they couldn't blast their products through e-mail as done previously. This is when the people from eUniverse decided to come together to form MySpace. It was a novel idea that allowed them to advertise their products without spam e-mails, and at the same time, gave people the revolutionary idea at the time for self-expression. It combined the best aspects of photos, music, and blog posts. At this time, there was no such thing as a one-page stop to do all of that. MySpace gave you "your own space" for total creative freedom to show everything about yourself, and henceforth, the first social media portal was created...unintentionally. Remember that this was originally created to advertise products like music. Bands found out a terrific outlet to show who they are and what they have to provide for potential consumers. It's an idea that social media lives on: who you are and what is so special about you.

Okay, so MySpace has its run and then starts to get old. I'm sure that the fact that the MySpace web layout tends to look like the diary of a 12 year-old doesn't help things. Facebook comes along, totally by accident. At first, it was supposed to be a directory with photos and basic information for Harvard College. As it increased in popularity, it started spread out to other Ivy League schools, and eventually it was open to anyone that had an e-mail address and was 13 years or older. Of course, Facebook has become a hit ever since, and so much up to the point where MySpace started copying ideas that have been long present. You know that a company is in trouble when it starts copying ideas from its competitor after it takes a huge percentage of your targeted audience. For example, when you think of soda, I'm sure that the first word that most people think about is "Coca-Cola" and not "Pepsi." Not to say which one is better, but I'm sure that even those who don't drink Coca-Cola tend to name it first as a soda brand. In this case, it's not really the product that's so important, but the actual brand that the product projects. Of course, Pepsi does well, but apparently not good enough to beat Coca-Cola. This is the rule and not the exception, but of course like with all rules (Rule #3: There are no rules, especially when you figure out why they exist), sometimes they're broken (for a good laugh, check out 6 Famous Characters You Didn't Know Were Shameless Rip-Offs since I bet you didn't know X-Men was a rip-off). Ironically enough, Facebook is now copying off Google+. Is it a sign of things to come?

I think the reason why social media in a way can be so appealing to its users is because you're able to see everyone's "personal brand." What makes you special? What are your unique talents? What is it like to live a day in your shoes? Can you be a person that adds value to someone's life as a friend? I'm sure these are all questions that we ask ourselves when we either re-connect with an old friend or find new ones online. In fact, humans have always wanted social companionship like that. In the Book of Genesis in The Bible, the first human ever, Adam had a companion created specifically for him as a partner in Eve. God's intent in creating Eve was so that Adam would not be alone. Even more interesting is this article that indicates that human bonding was done as an evolutionary advancement. This is during the time that humans switched from being nocturnal to diurnal (active during the day). The reasoning behind the adaptation was a "strength in numbers" approach, where humans as a species were able to flourish because they were able to depend on each other. With knowing all this, it's understandable why we humans are geared to seeking out new friends that we can get along with as well as reap benefits through friendships and other more serious relationships, like with marriage. In fact, another interesting note about humans is that marriage exists in all human culture, sometimes not even between men and women like how it's been known by the hijras. Interestingly enough, the hijras are one of the few cultures (Native American tribes have also been known to do this) that allow for people to be gender-neutral (neither male nor female). In spite of all these cultures assigning gender roles in different ways, they always point back toward people have some sort of relationship with another person. The practice of humans banding together to form a society and help each other have been there ever since very early on in human history, which as a species still hasn't existed for that long in the scope of Earth's evolutionary timeline.

Now, the newest tool in social bonding is here through portals like Facebook, Twitter, and so many others. Social media is the wave of the future, and it keeps on revolutionizing daily life, from the grassroots Occupy Wall Street movement (which I'm amazed at how the media says it's "dead" like a million times already, even though if something is "dead," it can't die again so it would mean it's still alive), to a new way in looking for jobs (LinkedIn), to even the new way of sharing music in Spotify.  What's also coming along with this new wave of social media? Not so good things!

Like my main man Pedro says, what is up with all these people posting pictures of what they eat and "checking-in"? Really, what is the point of that? So with that being said, here are my grievances for social media and the reasons that it should NOT be used for:

1) Posting pictures of food

Why exactly are people posting pictures of food, or going on the same concept, check-in every time they go to a restaurant? Yes, I've eaten that type of food before. I know how it tastes like. What's the point in showing me what you eat? It's very easy to go online, order the same thing you're having and have it delivered to my house. This is New York after all! Even if it wasn't living here, I could just hop into my car and drive a short distance to get the same thing you're having. Not that hard and you're not that special for doing that. Once in a while, I understand if you're going to a hot restaurant and just enjoy the ambiance or the food so much that you feel like you want to share it to the world. Posting pictures of food all the time, however, does not make you cool or popular. It just makes you look like you blow $50-$100 for being a fat-ass. Am I supposed to be impressed, especially when I've been to the same place you have a million times before?

Is this supposed to be some type of mega event of the century that's happening?

All I see is what I had for dessert last night at home, except I paid $10 less for it.

What these people should really do to get noticed:

Post a picture of some really crappy food. Food that has been burnt or looks like throw-up is a bonus. If you get food poisoning, make sure you share it with everyone on your social networks and take a picture of you throwing up in the bathroom. That will REALLY stand out in people's minds. Hey, it's all for attention anyway, so what does it matter?

This kid has got the right idea!!!

2) "Check-ins"

This one especially is a pet peeve of mine. Are check-ins really necessary? This brings me back to a certain ex-friend I had. She was the type of person that was always upfront to people about bad things up to the point where she could be considered confrontational. She was always very willing to just say what the person's problems is right at his/her face. In fact, she started to mouth off on how most people were obsessed with Facebook and how people needed to get off it. She also talked about how much she hated Facebook and how she herselfwas going to get off of it. Yet, she never did get off of it in spite of saying how Facebook was the devil and all that. What's worse is that she was being a hypocrite, because she was one of the "Facebook-obsessed" people she loathed. What makes me say that? Besides never canceling her account, she would check-in everywhere. In fact, I remember one time when going out for her birthday, her and her friends paused in the entrance and all of a sudden, I saw a flurry of cell phones being whipped out. I stood and asked "what's wrong?" She said, "no, nothing. I'm just checking in." Afterwards, their "awesome time" consisted of passing a blunt outside the venue getting high (which is something they could've done at home) and nodding at the band on stage, which wasn't even good. My boredom and their faces confirmed that for me.

Really? You're literally dropping everything like if you have to go to the bathroom just so you can "check-in." I almost never check-in. Usually, others check me in and when I do check-in, it's definitely an afterthought. I'd rather enjoy the experience of being out rather than showing off to everyone else. Stopping everything and checking in doesn't really allow you to enjoy the experience. Besides, no one needs to know my business. The important thing in going out with friends is to have fun together, not to try and prove it to everyone else. Also, when you drive around in a car, have a near-accident, and then post it on Facebook while "checking-in" the highway you almost had the accident in, that's a big problem (yes, one of my friends actually did that).

Sorry to break it to you Robin, but people still like Batman better than you.

What these people should really do to get noticed:

Check into your home and include the exact address. That way, when you check-in away from home, robbers that are posing to be your friends will know when to rob you. Robbers actually have been known to scour Facebook to find updates that show people outside their homes so that they can strike. Check-ins will really get their attention. Also, make sure whenever you go to the bathroom, you check in there too. I'm sure people will be happy to know that you're "regular." It's not pretty, but hey, you gotta stock up on those Facebook friends!

3) Drinks

If you're over 21, it's not hard to go for a drink. Unless you're always playing video games in your mom's basement, you've most certainly been to a bar or lounge before. There's always something about a drink that brings people together (watch how beer saved the world here). It's used as a sacred time of bonding between friends. I mean, Cheers built its now-famous series on going where people "are always glad you came."

 There's always a point in life when "you wanna go where everybody knows your name."

So with that being said, why are you taking pictures of your drinks? Everyone knows what a drink is supposed to look like, so what's the big deal? You might as well be the douche in the VIP section of the lounge buying bottle service for booze that's overpriced by $200 or more, except that the bottle service person at least doesn't hide the fact that he is throwing around money just to get people's attention. That at least I can respect. If you're going to show off, at least do it correctly instead of showing off your drinks while adhering to your $20 budget. In fact, while we're on drinks, what's the deal with coffee? So who cares if you overpay for a $5 Starbucks coffee. Don't get me wrong. It's okay (I've actually had better coffee and for much cheaper) and I go there once in a while, but a) who cares if they don't get your name right as long as you know it's yours and you pay attention to it so no one else claims it and b) who cares if they don't get it JUST right. It's coffee! Think about what coffee is for a few minutes before you start whining about how it ruined your day.

I see the next CEO of Bank of America! Actually, come to think of it, he's overqualified.

You need to know how to crash economies. He can't even crash from drinking so much.

So, you're a drinking champion, right? Awesome! No one can hold their liquor better than you. You're apparently so good that it's your full-time job. What? You don't even get paid for it? You actually have to spend your own money? So then how do you make a living? A lot of times, I get from people a) I don't worry about bills because I still live with mommy and daddy or b) I don't even have a full-time job, and many times both. For me, this prompts the question: Wouldn't it be better if you worked on yourself or things like having a career instead? That way, you can have the money to do even more awesome stuff. Instead of hooking up with a random drunk chick/dude in front of the public who's probably taking photos from the phone and posting it online for everyone to see, you can actually go away to a resort in Hawaii with that guy/girl you had your eyes on, and he/she can get a private room with you with the money you saved up (*wink*, *wink*). I actually had an ex-friend (yes, another ex-friend and this pattern is actually an intentional one that will become clear later) who is 38 and a mother of five. Yet, she still got drunk off of cheap beer. I'm sorry, but it's kinda sad when someone starts dancing on table tops when they're THAT old. I have a feeling it's not a coincidence that she's also been divorced twice, and currently has a boyfriend who ditches her when she gets too drunk and has anger issues (Rule #7: We are always responsible for our own actions, and we'll always be accountable for them one way or another).

What these people should really do to get noticed:

You really wanna show off the good time you had? Make sure someone takes pictures of you when you're making out with the equally drunk and horny patron next to you. Also, make sure you get someone recording you throwing up in the toilet. Make sure it's VIDEO and not a still picture. If you're going to prove how much of an "awesome time" you have, you need to do it beyond a reasonable doubt and that means recording every second of you hurling up a lung. Also, any drawings or you face that may have happened while passed out drunk is a bonus!

They could've at least drawn some better hair on him

There are many other grievances I want to address, but it'll come at a later time. Those are the big three that I take issue with. When has social media come down to just TRYING to show off to your other friends about how "exciting" your life is? In fact, you'll probably spend more time doing that than actually enjoying the exciting times. Research actually collaborates my point. Studies have shown that using social media may lead to lower self-esteem. Also, plastic surgery has been been booming thanks in part to "Facebook facelifts." To those who are guilty of the above and feel like there's something missing in their life (because no one's life is perfect, including mine), let me suggest this radical idea. Don't make it a priority to share on social media whenever you go out with friends or do something fun. Instead, take the whole experience in and savor the excitement and thrill for your own benefit and not to show off to others. You're not trying to win a popularity contest in high school once again. Skip the shallowness. If you feel that social media such as Twitter and Facebook are consuming your life, step away from it and deactivate your account cold turkey (read my experience giving up Facebook for Lent here). I've been able to talk the talk and walk the walk before, and like my giving up Facebook blog post shows, I learned a few things from it. Sometimes, it's good to get away from things just as a change of pace. For example, when my old cell phone broke, I just took it easy instead of freaking out. In fact, I waited so I could get a better phone in the Samsung Galaxy S3, and now I'm reaping the rewards. Unfortunately, most people freak out without their cell phones as this study shows here.

There's a ton of potential (like with this novel idea) as well as many positive things about social media. I actually use Facebook to genuinely meet other people, and many times I actually start hanging out with them as friends and genuinely make new friends. I even took it upon myself to "meet" girls I'd want to get to know more, which has resulted in some dates (shhh!). I even get invited to parties and events by these same people, which actually broadens my social circle because I meet even more people. I'm only doing this because I'm not focused on making myself look good in social media. I focus myself on making the most out of it and my friends. I also don't compare myself to others. I do me and I'm always making sure that what I'm currently doing is what I really want to do, and not because I feel like I have to best one of my friends in a certain area of life. That's what Rule #6 is attributed to (There is no such thing as being first or last. There is only such a thing as becoming the best or the worst that you can be).

Also, at the same time, I often see who my real friends are. I have had to say goodbye to a few friends (as mentioned before) because I felt that not only did they not contribute any value to my life, but I also felt like they wouldn't let me be in peace. I'm always willing to try and get along with different people, but when others expect you to change just for them and don't even care working with you, that's when I say "farewell!" Some people don't even work with you to stay as your friend. It's never feasible to try and "change" someone. You have to let them be. Studies have shown that half of all your friends are replaced every 7 years, so it's one of those harsh truths people have to face, or risk devaluing their own life.

So remember next time you comment "jealous!" on something or post something for people to comment "jealous!" on, or even say "be jealous!" with a rather unimpressive post, think for a moment.  You can never be first or last. Someone will always be prettier, stronger, taller, smarter, faster, better in bed, richer, etc. You can only be yourself, and by putting in the work and mastering life basics (Rule #1: Focus on mastering the correct technique, not the end results. Once you master the basics, the good results you seek will follow on their own), you'll be able to be the best you can be. That should be good enough for you anyhow.