How finding the perfect guy can be more fictitous than the Twilight saga (and how a lady can take back power)

"What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets."
- Dracula from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Note: As a hardcore gamer, I just have to link to the original speech here, hehe :P

I realize that lately, there has a been a movement in entertainment that's designed to capture the attention of women like Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight saga, and Magic Mike. The list goes on. I think it's an interesting direction deviating from the regular formula of let's say Prince Charming coming into a woman's life and sweeping her off her feet by being everything she can want in a man (like in Pretty Woman or Maid in Manhattan). It's based on the whole belief that someday, a man that is handsome, smart, strong, confident, tall, funny, caring, rich, etc. will one day fall into a ladies' lap, and then the pauper gets transformed into a princess. That stuff seems boring and predictable, and I think even ladies have gotten a hold of how unreal that is. So in spite of figuring out how unreal expectations like are when it comes to ladies finding a boyfriend or male partner, it still strikes me how women still tend to be swayed a lot by fiction and how that puts ladies in a self-sabotaging mode when it comes to dating men.

What am I talking about? This basically sums it up:

Finally, someone who understands! (courtesy datingfails.org)

A few things of honorable mention I want to mention about this smart lady. First, she's a keeper only because her enjoyment for arts of fiction doesn't blur her perception of reality (yes, that's actually an attribute that men actually look for in a woman). Second, she keeps it real, even when things aren't perfect (also a valued attribute). Third, she accepts the reality that there's no "perfect" man that will fulfill each and every thing off a woman's checklist.

It's been estimated that 10%-20% of all engagements are called off, and 50% of those who marry will end up in divorce, so that makes me wonder if people (men and women alike) are getting married for the right reasons? I touched upon this concept back in my previous blog post about Ted: the Movie and what it can teach people about men. I also demonstrated how a man meeting "perfect" guidelines can result into impossible odds of meeting someone like that (and that is, assuming he doesn't have a huge flaw such as being an alcoholic or a sexual assaulter, which are all very possible).

As said in my previous blog post, the fact that a woman will get her tough self going when the going gets tough and she supports, not berates (a.k.a. nags) her man makes her very valuable in the eyes of a man. Why? Because too often, women are too busy trying to change guys they meet into someone they're not. I know for example that women have tried (emphasis on tried) to do that with me, and what I'd do is just leave the relationship if I see that she doesn't respect me for who I am. This is where fiction starts to blur the lines of reality. We all know how things like Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight saga, and Magic Mike have shown some "ideal" male models that somehow are used on men that women meet in real life. There's just one problem. THESE MALE MODELS ARE NOT REAL! Guys are not hot strippers hooked on GHB, nor are they immortal vampires, nor are they S&M buffs that are willing to drop a small fortune on a woman he hardly knows.

Allow me to explain. Let's take for example the whole Magic Mike story plot. Two dudes named Mike and Adam make it big and make a lot of money by selling (and for a good part using) hard drugs, as well as having sex with their clientele. Then, the story ends happily ever after when Adam finally hooks up with Brooke, who he's had eyes for a long time.

What's the problem?

Adam is basically a drug addict. How is he going to make money if he keeps spending the money he earns from gigs on drugs he's using and/or pushing? Better yet, how do they perform while being so high? Also, how is his clientele going to be able to even pay when the strippers that are performing for them are either a) giving them sex, essentially giving their clientele what they want for free and inherently cheating themselves out of money for their performances and b) giving them drugs, in which case the clientele will probably be too cracked out of their minds to even pay the strippers. Even if they are sober enough, how are they going to be able to pay if all the money is spent on drugs. Also, GHB is a known "date rape" drug, much like Rohypnol ("roofies," or the colorless, odorless pills that leave no trace when dissolved in a drink). It is dangerous, can allow for a girl to be easily sexually violated, and can potentially kill users of the drug. When exactly have women dreamed of being sexually assaulted by their one true love? Besides, if this was real life, they'd be broke by the end of the movie because they never do their job and they keep spending money on drugs.

Comes to show how cute-faced and bodied men can hide a sinister secret,

while still being broke when everything is said and done.

It's been known that women tend to look for a male partner that is at least financially stable. In fact, this university study shows how among men, a 10% increase in BMI (body mass index, which insinuates they're getting fat) can be offset by a 3% increase in income. Ladies, if money is your game, then you're barking up the wrong tree.

The Twilight saga is also guilty of mind-warping many innocent, naive women out there. So Edward Cullen is the object of women's affection, right? He's so handsome, so protective since he moves out of Forks, Washington to protect Bella (the object of his affection), and so romantic since he's ready to commit suicide when he believes her to be dead. He also happens to have the animal instinct that only vampires can have. How romantic and sexy! That's the type of guy that all women should look out for, right?

What's the problem?

Edward Cullen is a student. Okay, so the dude is hot. He has marble-like skin, nice jaw structure, an a nice bronze shade of hair, while being 6'2" and the chiseled muscles of a Greek god (maybe I'm missing something because Robert Pattinson looks nothing like that). He's not really working for a wage, so how is he going to support a family in Bella and their offspring when he has no paying job. Especially with the expensive hobby of collecting specialty cars, he's not going to have any money left over for wife and baby (how does he even get money for that?). Nice of you to keep your priorities straight, buddy! Besides, all this "male beauty" still didn't keep Kristen Stewart from cheating on him (this is to prove a point, as I hate celebrity gossip), as they were a real couple in real life. If you ask me, the people from the Twilight series are disturbed and pretentious. How can you possibly have fun with a guy who's emotionless and suicidal? For that matter, you should seek out an online stalker through a dating site. They're easy to find. They too are disturbed, and they'll be thinking of you all the time, especially if you're hot, ladies. I'm sure you can also get them to commit suicide if you don't pay attention to them enough, which is what Edward almost did when he couldn't be with Bella. As for the looks department, don't worry. Robert Pattinson didn't exactly fit the bill, so you won't be shocked when you see a hot, modelish guy in his profile picture, but instead turns out to be a fat, balding, middle-aged man in real life.

 Robert Pattinson is the embodiment of the male Adonis that is Edward Cullen?

That's like saying that rail-thin models are hot! (for the record, regular men think what's below is scary)

I think this is like the common misconception of men digging the rail-thin model. It's not sexy. It's sad because a woman is literally causing harm to herself by being so thin, and not only does a man like something he can actually touch without accidentally breaking a bone in two (for an interesting read, check out Top 10 Countries Celebrating Female Obesity), but men typically like their women to be confident. Real confidence is a trait that can help females of all shapes and sizes be more sexy.

Fifty Shades of Grey is a story about Ana, who meets this guy named Christian Grey. He's rich, he protects his "lady" (like when he pulls out of the way of an oncoming cyclist ready to run her over), and he doesn't take advantage of Ana when she's fall-down drunk. What a man! This is the type of guy that all women should be going for, right?

What's the problem?

Remember how I cited the study that showed for every 10% increase in BMI that a guy has, it can be offset by a 3% increase in income. The guy is shown to be a very successful entrepreneur, complete with private helicopters and snazzy hotel rooms. So according to the university study, there's a very good chance that he's fat and out of shape (the book never really describes the physical appearance of Christian Grey). That puts a damper on the "good looks department" and the fantasy as a whole, doesn't it? Also, she's a virgin when she meets Christian Grey. You mean to tell me she's going to have a shot at mind-blowing sex when she never even did it before? Something doesn't figure. People are always shy and unknowing of what they're doing in their first time. I don't care how much you're into it or read up on it. Like with so many other things in life, sex can be improved on with experience because no one starts knowing how to do it. It makes the fact that he's into S&M that much rougher, huh? Also, let me point out the extreme unlikeliness that a man like that spends money on a girl like Ana. I think it can lead to some very important underlying principles that women can learn to improve their chances in landing a good guy.

The thing that I have realized is that men only spend money on women when they only have to. Not to say that men are cheap (of course, some are but it's the exception and not the rule), but men are not going to spend money on every hot woman they meet. Unless they're desperate to buy a female's attention, they typically won't throw money around at a woman, especially when they just met her. How can ladies know if they're dealing with a man that's trying to buy a female's attention? Easy. They won't want to get to know you. Instead, they'll just ask superficial questions and pretend like they're interested without having probed deep into you, for example what are your likes, your dislikes, your dream profession, you greatest fear, etc. Then, they'll pretend to like you by throwing money around in the hopes that you fall for their act, and then sleep with them. This is what always happens with guys who are on the hunt at bars trying to look for one-night stands. They approach, smile and act interested, and start talking. Then, he buys you a drink, which of course gets a lady looser. Then, after a few more minutes, he wants to show you this awesome sculpture he has back in his place (or another excuse to maintain plausible deniability). He then hails a cab (which is of course always expensive) and then manages to get what he set out for, as the lady spends the night. If that's the case, don't be surprised if he all of a sudden has to hurry for an early appointment with someone the next day and has to rush you out of his place and leaves you with some money to get home.

Unfortunately, the act I just described is one that ladies fall way too often for. Men are more crafty than you think, ladies. We just like to put on a dumb poker face so you don't see our pocket aces. The reason why men typically don't like to spend money like this is because it's expensive! Okay, it's fine if a guy does it with ONE girl you like, but if a man keeps on indiscriminately approaching girls at a club (like the ones looking for a hot body do), you have to do it for each and every one, and that sums up to a lot of dollars. That also means less money for the guy, which means that a lady would actually be with a man who not only has approached like a million other girls before her, but he's going to be broke and once he does the deed, he will most definitely leave you for another catch.

Don't be fooled, ladies! I remember this guy I know that kept doing that whenever he was with friends. He claimed he was engaged (yet, no one ever saw his woman), but he'd still slobber over whatever trashy looking girl that was around. He'd always spend around five minutes to see if he could get somewhere. If he saw he wasn't going to get anywhere (and I'd say 95% of the time, he didn't), he'd skip to the next girl and so on. Men who can't keep a girl (because they're essentially bums) will have this approach. The "douchebags" will always try harder, because they need to since they can't keep a lady. They have to, and one of the most common misconceptions is that they're good at what they do. Let's say that these "douchebags" or "players" have a 5% success rate. That means that for every 20 women he approaches, he'll be able to sleep with one, and trust me when I say that guys like this can easily approach more than 20 women at any given night.

So what can a woman do to increase her chances?

1) Don't hold a checklist and make guys either have everything or dismiss him. If a guy catches you doing that (a guy that really cares about people), he'll probably dismiss you first. Girls like that are more trouble than they're worth, and on a personal note, I can tell from experience that most of these girls who make guys adhere to these standards don't have much to offer and shouldn't be talking. This is how women "self-sabotage" themselves. Either they'll keep dismissing men without trying to get to know them, or men see how they act and place a mental "do not approach" stamp on the lady because women like that are not worth it. So what can a lady do to take back the power? Get to really know the guy and date! Believe it or not, the more people you date, the more patterns you see arising. Once you start learning those, you start cutting down on time for seeing if the man is right for you. Eventually, you'll come to the moment where you can find if a guy is right for you within the first 5 minutes by asking the right questions and seeing how he answers. I know I started to learn "my type," but by only going out on God knows how many bad dates!

2) Don't be shy! Be confident! The good men that ladies want for a boyfriend like a woman who is aware of her own flaws, yet is comfortable and confident enough that she can show that she's a catch anyway. Kate Upton has gotten this formula down perfectly! She's definitely not the "best-bodied" woman out there (as weird as that sounds), but her confidence makes her sexy and shows why any men who be lucky to have her. Like with the list of fictitious men, Kate Upton is probably not the perfect woman (many men are also guilty of the "perfect" determination only because of what they see on the outside). Yeah, she's good-looking but looks can only get so far with a man that's worth his salt.

Classy, yet exudes confidence and sexiness!

Sometimes, I get a complaint when I'm alone with a girl that thinks she's too fat. I tell her that she doesn't need to worry because I like her how she is. Besides, I tend to like fat girls over skinny (most men do, by the way). I don't care because it's my preference. The point of that is to show that men don't use a checklist of ridiculous standards like women do. When we deem a woman worthy of dating, we take her for who she is and real men don't try and change that. Don't change for any guy because then, he won't like you for who you are one way or another. If you can be bent easily, then I'd say self-esteem is an issue and either to work on it to strengthen it, or risk being stuck in a relationship with a guy you really don't like.

The point is that everyone has something to hide. It's up to the person to find out about who he or she is dealing with and whether they could make a good partner. You can't change people (Rule #9: You can't change people. They either pretend to change or change because they want to.) Eventually, I'll probably list some more tips and tricks for ladies to get a good man, as today's age makes a real good man a rarity. Ladies, don't let yourself be governed by impossible expectations. These works of fiction are fiction for a reason, as I've shown it would be very different if it was real life. You can have it all, but for that, you must realize the difference between having everything you could want in a man and help bringing it out in him and falling in love with your own "perfect" idea of love (which doesn't work out in real life). To sum it all up, I introduce this:

Rule #8: If you set goals with expectations that are too high, you'll find that you'll never accomplish any of them.