It's my mantra that good looks can only get you so far when it comes to dating, especially when you have no personality to back it up. It's always good to be well-rounded (see Rule #2). It makes me wonder sometimes when some women peruse countless issues of Glamour, Cosmopolitan and other women's magazines for tips on how to find that ever-elusive "perfect man" when it's really not that complicated. Well, allow me to give my insight as a man who enjoys the company of a woman who's attractive in not just the physical aspect, but personality-wise as well. Ladies, you too can take some pages out of the Victoria's Secret playbook and use it to your advantage.
First off, let's broach the subject of confidence. It will be the key underlying principle that can make anyone, man or woman, attractive. I already touched upon how confidence can get a guy the girl, even though this approach is actually misdirected and I do not agree with the way certain males use this way to court women just so they can use them. Still, I say something can be learned from anybody (Rule #20: Seek knowledge from different places in order to become a well-rounded figure, since knowledge is power). The fact that these guys can go out and "forget" the rejections in a way that it doesn't affect their mental composure shows that they at least have some confidence in getting the girl. Even though the whole courting process is inefficient in itself, the fact that the "douchebags" approach in great number will virtually guarantee that they get their lady sooner or later. So, I'm sure you ladies are asking: how can this help me?
This is exactly why Adriana Lima is a model. She makes photos like this work.
This is where Victoria's Secret comes in. I think one of the qualities that make the Victoria's Secret Angels so sexy and attractive is the confidence they "project" confidence onto the public that watches them. For example, it definitely takes guts for someone like ex-Victoria's Secret's model Marisa Miller to show off her pregnant body. I actually think that's a beautiful photo set where you can clearly see a lady enjoy her own body and curves. It's very important to be comfortable in your own skin and accept who you are. It's the basis of a person's real confidence. Sure, everyone has their silly insecurities and imperfections. Not even Victoria's Secret models are safe from these harsh realities. Check out all the behind-the-scenes photos and strict diet/exercise regimens the models have had to adhere to. They too are actually human, but the thing that makes them exceptional and definitely capable of handling a job where looks are literally your livelihood is that they have no problem being photographed where they're "ugly" or not in their best look or complexion. If anything, they just embrace it and just go through with it without having to think twice about it, and that's what makes them sexy.
Adriana Lima for example definitely takes her work like a champ. After two kids and being age 31 (30 is typically the age where the TOP runway/editorial models retire due to the difficulty of finding work because of their "advanced age," although typically you get dumped by modeling agencies at around age 22-23 if you don't become a top model), she's not afraid of showing how much work goes into her profession. Plus, you can read here why it takes 4 hours to do the hair and make-up of each Victoria's Secret model. The gorgeous women people see on the Victoria's Secret runway literally have to be made, as no one can feasibly see a lady like that in the supermarket shopping for fruit that has the look that only 4 hours of make-up and hair work can provide. I've also seen photos of Adriana in this year's runway show and those of years past. She definitely looks different, but she still manages to look very good in spite of not being in the same form of years' past.
God bless America!
This is what real confidence is based on. Okay, anyone can think they're hot stuff and project an air of arrogance that makes them seem untouchable, but that's not what real confidence is. Anyone can project "confidence" when they're good-looking/rich/tall/strong/etc (Rule #21: Anyone can act tough when they have everything. It's only when these things disappear that a person's real strength of character is tested). I think what determines real confidence is accepting one's own shortcomings and showing that they're still an awesome human being. For example, I definitely know I'm not the tallest guy in the world. It's not hard for guys to be taller than me and even some girls, and of course, height is a big factor for being attractive to women. I'm definitely not a 6'5" guy (in fact, not many are). Nevertheless, I know this and whenever a girl addresses the height issue for me (and sometimes it happens while I'm trying to attract a girl), I don't even think about it. I basically approach it with a "you're right" attitude, but I still am steadfast in showing other facets about myself and why exactly I'm a good catch.
So far, this approach has been working out pretty well. I remember this one time, I approached this Colombian girl working at a deli counter because she was cute and semi-talkative. Two taller guys behind me were snickering behind me because this girl was hot up to the point where she could be deemed "out of my league" and there was no way a chump like me could get with a girl like me (or so it seemed). I knew they were laughing at me, but I just took it in stride, didn't let it affect my composure and kept doing my thing. About twenty minutes later, I was literally dancing with her while the guys that were snickering behind all of a sudden had these shocked faces the next time I looked in their direction. After I finished my dance with her, the two taller guys immediately told her that they wanted to dance with her too. She quickly snapped that she had to go back to work. In spite of being taller than me, I got a lot farther with her than they ever did. See, it's a lesson about confidence for all the kids out there.
Best look for a person of Kate Upton's stature? Maybe not. Does she look good? Absolutely.
If you personally don't have confidence, then it's definitely something that can be learned. I remember when I was in high school, I was probably the shyest guy around there. Okay, I had friends and I would hang out with them outside of school, but I was always shy around those ladies I liked and I never had the strength or fortitude to show why I was such a good catch for them. It was an approach that never really got me anywhere in terms of my dating life, but hey, confidence is a skill that can be useful for many areas of life.
A truly confident female can be very attractive in the eyes of a male, especially the "good catch" types. However, there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Like I said before, anyone can project an air of being "untouchable" because he/she is hot/tall/physically fit/etc. It's not the same thing as confidence, though. Unfortunately, I have met my share of women who always like to impose an air of "untouchability" to other men because they know they can get away with it. Not to generalize, but they also tend to be in their young/mid 20's, where women typically hit their physical prime. I remember this girl in particular who was really good at that who I consider to have been a playerette. She was slender, tall and very good-looking. She would literally have a line of guys trailing behind her wherever she would go, and it took me a while to understand why it was happening. Then I realized it was because all these guys were following her in the hopes of hooking up with her. She was also the type of person to lead guys on just by accentuating her looks. It was definitely a sight to see, and she was very good up to the point where she got me too, but only because she was used to playing the men that followed her because of only her looks. Life has a funny way of working out, because the last time I saw her, she gained a tremendous amount of weight and now she definitely does not look as good as she did before, and as a result there are no more lines of men ready for her to manipulate.
Well played, Philoso-raptor! Well played!
Case in point: ladies, don't be the playerette! Men aren't stupid (not all of us anyway). Like me, they learn from past experiences. For example, I know from previous bad dates what I need to look out for a woman in order to keep myself spending my time with a lady who isn't worth it. Men are smarter than you think. We never let ladies know, but we're always watching you, judging you, taking notes, and sizing you up and comparing against the general pool of dateable ladies, because men also want a lady they can spend their lives with. The men who aren't busy living the "douchebag" lifestyle at least want it that way (and the "douchebag" population is unfortunately rather big). "Douchebags" only seek a new girl each and every night, especially since they can't keep them.
Confidence will lead you to a great man who really does have a lot to offer. Being the opposite actually has the adverse effect (this related to giving off the sense of "untouchability"). For example, I've been realizing as of late that there are quite a few ladies out there who think that they're being hit on if I try to ask them if they want to hang out or ask for a phone number. I remember one in particular where I asked if wanted to go to the movies. I had a free ticket and I needed to use it or it would expire, and I never like going to the movies alone (it was for two anyway). She then started to give me the "ditzy" attitude like if I invoked some kind of reflex and started saying that she was busy, and she didn't know when she could do it, etc. Right then and there, I turned away because I thought she was acting stupid and I wasn't going to put up with it. Another girl asked me when we were going on our date just because I asked for her phone number. I took the time to clarify that it wasn't for a date and that I only wanted to keep in touch as friends.
There was yet another young Dominican girl, which I got her phone number and we were friends than hung out somewhat, but after a while she started giving me the same "ditzy" attitude like if I was trying to hit on her. I thought it was ridiculous because here was this girl where we've known each other for a few years. Yes, she was attractive and maybe there was something else more than a friendship, but I wanted to get to know her more at first so I wasn't going to push it further than the current friendship. Somehow, she mistook that and every time I would talk to her, it would feel like a chore because she would put on the same "ditzy" attitude to things so innocuous as "How have you been? I haven't heard from you in a while." After a while, I got tired and now she's someone I don't really relate to in any level, and largely because she made it so difficult to interact with her. When the whole "ditzy" act that ladies put on get to the point where it gets in the way of friendship, it's a big problem. It's probably something I'll address in the future because believe it or not, that self-sabotages from meeting any awesome guys because they don't have to put up with it. They can leave for a more approachable, personable lady.
Also, another common pitfall on the quest to being more confident is going too far. People like a confident person, but you also have to realize when enough is enough. For example, trying to stuff yourself into Size 2 clothing when you're actually Size 6 isn't being confident. It's being clueless. I honestly think that plus-size women can be sexy in their own right, but unfortunately some women that fit the category don't feel that way. Trying to put yourself out there in any way possible for others to see isn't necessarily the best way to get noticed. For example, I think Rihanna puts herself out there a bit too much, and that actually takes away some of the mystery than tantalizes the imagination, and instead works against her by putting her as someone who tries too hard to get noticed or someone who doesn't have anything good about her and therefore proceeds to flaunt whatever look, even though it doesn't look good on her.
Christina Aguilera demonstrates perfectly how to flaunt it just right (left) and flaunting too much (right)
Again, this is just me sharing my insights as a man when it comes to women. I know this basically all men think this way, through "man time" I share with my buddies to talking with my male friends to relating to some of these things as a man myself. Like I said, confidence isn't just for your dating life. It can help you in every aspect of your life. I really think it's something everyone should work on, especially if you're a lady in the market for a good man. Confidence especially will give you the power to say "no" to those who aren't worth your time, and say "yes" to the great men that will want to approach you as a result of confidence who normally would not approach if they don't see confidence in you. Ladies, it can unlock many options, but only if you realize that you too are just as good as any Victoria's Secret Angel.
Rule #22: Being confident in yourself is knowing when to say no to something bad for you, even when it's hard. By subtracting the bad, you're able to add some more good in your life.
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